Does everyone ask this question at some point, or is it just my own paranoia?
I have always been a helpful person, I like helping out where I can, I gat satisfaction from helping others. I have always been the kind of person who would give you the shirt off my back if you were cold or you had a greater need than my own. I am not, never have been nor ever will be, a good donator to charity. If I sent £2 a month to every charity that asked me to, I would be bankrupt by now. I always feel that, if I give to one, I need to give to all. I mean, all charities are worthwhile causes. The RSPCC [The Royal Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children] is always asking for money to help abused kids and I always have tears in my eyes when I see ads like that. The PDSA [Peoples Dispensary for Sick Animals] and RSPCA [The Royal Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals] always need money to help sick animals and is a great cause if you are an animal lover, which I am. I hate to see cruelty to animals of children. But cancer charities need money, The Heart Foundation need money, every single charity needs money and I just can’t give to them all, so I give to none. I do things differently. If I see someone standing with a collection tin, then I put whatever change I have in there, get my sticker and carry on with what I was doing. If I see a collection box in a shop, any change I get after paying for something, goes right in that box. I do give, just in different ways. Theres a huge event every year in the north-east of England, The Great North Run takes place every year and is the worlds biggest half marathon. In my healthy days, I have run it 5-6 times, always getting sponsors to raise a little money if I can. But always in that run are the collectors with their buckets who collect from spectators as they go. A bucketful of change is very heavy and by the end of the run, those who collect that way must have very sore arms. But I usually go to see the start of the race as its only a short walk from where I live and always take some change with my so that I can put in to those buckets. So I give my fair share whenever I can, that’s just how I am. I never expect or want anything in return. My pleasure is in giving, not taking.
But getting away from that and back on topic, sometimes I feel that people just use me and would not be seen in my hour of need. Indeed, when I became ill, apart from one lad, my so-called mates have disappeared off the face of the earth. I used to play a lot of football [soccer] and if any of my mates needed a player, they would contact me and I would go and play. Sometimes I played football for 3 hrs one 5 a side game after another. That’s all well and good, and I always enjoyed playing, but that always came at a price. It was £4-£5 a game, so in a week I could easily spend £30-£50 playing football. You pay for the facilities and a referee. But seldom did I ever say no to anyone who asked, but where are they now?
I am starting to find the same again. This time its different though. I am still always happy to help where I can, even though my health aint great, I do what I can when I can. I play poker and have numerous accounts across a lot of poker sites. I would start new accounts to take up deposit bonus offers, or to make some points that could be exchanged for cash. I started a group within a poker forum that’s there so that members can ask for cash trades or loans and not fear being ripped off. It’s a popular group, very active as our North American friends have a hard time trying to deposit or withdraw from poker sites now due to new regulations over there. The thing is though, it always seems to be me helping out.
All, or most of the sites operate with $ not £ and I am sure I am getting a bum deal with the conversion rates. But I don’t like to say no. I will deposit on a site, just so I can transfer money to someone on a different site and they pay me back via another site. Theres always cash going back and forth but due to the exchange rates constantly changing, I might be getting a bum deal and need to find that out. I think some people are starting to think that I am a soft touch and will help out with trades etc etc and for the most part, I will. I am just not sure what I am doing is right. Am I allowing people to use me because they know I wont say no. Last night, I made a $167 deposit on Stars to help someone out. From helping one, possibly two, it spiraled to 5 I think at last count and from a balance of $220 give or take, theres under a ton left now. So I exchanged £100 to dollars and got $167 I think, now I have to get at least that as all pay backs have been to AP. If I take $167 out of AP, if its less than $167, then it has cost me to help people out. I don’t mind that too much, but where do you draw the line and say no I can’t help you out? That’s going to cause me a lot of conflict as I want to help, but my own financial situation aint great and I can’t afford to be losing money each time I help someone out. Losing a $1 here and there soon starts to add up and before you know it, you are $10 down and then $15, then $20. So maybe I need to have a rethink about just how often I help. Just by looking at the exchange rate, I am going to be $5 down on this I think. £100 converts to $162.70 as of now. Hopefully that will change in my favour but if the dollar gains against the pound, then loses will increase.
Oh well, I guess that’s the way the cookie crumbles sometimes. But if this trend continues where I am helping multiple people out, then maybe a fee might have to be introduced to help cover the costs. I am not poor, but am far from rich either. We don’t owe anyone money, we aint in debt, but if I turned round and told my partner I just lost $5 helping someone out, she would tell me I am a fool, and she would have a point.
So enduth another blog. They are coming thick and fast right now. I am feeling quite creative right now and am riding it. I never know when things might change, so just go with the flow and enjoy the feeling and use it to good effect if possible. Maybe I need to get moe creative on the poker tables as well? Talking of which, not had a lot of action recently. Just not looking to play much right now, I don’t know why, just enjoying time away from the tables and playing the odd game here and there. My game is ok right now, but so is the variance. I am hitting pretty good, which helps a lot, but that could change at anytime. I really should be making the most of the upswing, but I am not. I have to try to profit from the upswings when they arrive instead of letting them pass by. But that’s for another day, for now, that’s this one done and dusted.