Damn, blast, buggama, bigorrah.  Its been the oddest 2 days I think I have ever known. Odd as in I dont seem able to comprehend some people and the way they think, wich is more than likely down to me being a slightly dememnted 40 something fighting to save his sanity.

On Friday of this week, my partners mother with turn 80. She is a lovely woman, dour sometimes, no doubt borne of a hard life, but I get along with her most of the time. So its been a time of organising and trying to get all the close family together for a celebratory meal on Friday night. Err, no. The phone call on monday morning went something like this.

Partner: Hello mam [mom, mum, we say mam] get you glad rags on for friday, we are all going out for a meal for your birthday.

Mam: I told you I didn’t want a fuss.

Partner: Mam, its you 80th and we just want to try and make it a special day.

Mam: I suppose I could go, but I doubt I will enjoy it.

Partner: If thats the way you feel, I will speak to you later.

What a thing to say. My partner has put some effort into making this happen. After finishing work the on Sunday, she went to a good local resturant, got a copy of the menu and booked a table for 5.30 pm. Mam doesn’t want to go. Phone calls to other family members ensue and everyone is getting slightly irate. Me, I just go with the flow as I am just a slightly demented 40 something fighting t osave his sanity.


Tinkerbell arrives as usual [our beautiful granddaughter we look after every Tuesday] and we all have breakfast [cup of tea for me, diet! We are playing and decide to go and see Nana [Mam] as she doesn’t see much of her great granddaughter. So we phone Nana and she says she has twisted her foot and is going to hospital. Meanwhile, Aunty Linda arrives who has panic attacks and so my partner, Aunty Linda and Tinkerbell all jump into a taxi and head off to the hospital to meet Nana and make sure she is ok. Its a ruse though. Anything to get out of going out on Friday. Nana has some xrays, complains that the man didn’t do them properly and all manner of things and goes home with a support bandage on, thats it. So my partner, Aunty Linda and Tinkerbell arrive home and plans have been made to go to Nana’s house on friday instead of going out. OK, better let everyone else know.

After dinner, Nana phones. Her foot is sore and maybe it would be better if we all went out on Friday instead. More phone calls, we are now going out on Friday again. Son arrives to pick up Tinkerbell and has his dinner as well. Phone rings, Aunty Linda. Nana has spoken to her and doesn’t want to go out, or have anyone at the house, too much fuss and her foot is sore. Phone calls? No friggen way, this is changing faster than a whores knickers and we need to wait 30 mins to see what happens next. Son phones Nana and tells her she is being selfish and is going out on Friday. Nana says no. Cousin Melanie has spoken to Nana and is broke so cant afford to go out. Grandad [moi] says no problem, he will pay and those that wish to offer something can do, those that dont/cant, its ok, no worries. Cousin Melanie is good to go. Nana phones son back and says Cousin Melanie will go after all and so will Cousin Richard if he finishes work in time. So now we are going out again on Friday and somehow along the way, Grandad [mug] picked up the tab? How did that just happen?

So until further notice, we are all going to Adriano’s on Friday at 5.30pm and anyone who dares to say otherwise is in severe danger of being hung, drawn, quartered, disembowled, beheaded, crucified and thrown to the lions.

Thank god she is only 80 once, more than that and I would be having a nervous breakdown. Did I mention I am just a slightly demented 40 something fighting to save his sanity? Maybe you can understand why now.


4 responses to “Timeline

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