Givin’ it to you straight!


There are some smart cookies around these parts, that I know, that I am sure of.

After 3 horrendous years, I am trying to get my life back on track. It’s a learning curve and there have been many changes had to be made. What I want from you, is your help and advice please. I always appreciate anyone and everyone’s input, don’t be afraid that I am gonna have a go at you or slag you off, I’m not ok.

I was always fairly laid back kinda guy. But these days, I find people [certain people] get on my nerves very quickly and often that’s because of the way they talk to me. I am 46, have lived, been there, done that, got the t shirt. I am not stupid, nor too clever or intelligent. I am your ordinary joe. But what I dislike is

A: People who insist on patronising me/you/anyone.

B: People who are condescending in attitude toward me or anyone else.

C: Pseudo Psychologists who have no training, no experience and no idea wtf they are talking about.

D: People who are aggressive and intimidatory in conversation.

What I need is to learn again how to deal with people like these, and situations that arise. I am never too proud to think I have all the answers, far from it. I try to be assertive, but hate upsetting anyone. I try desperately hard to be reasonable and not talk down to anyone or think I am in some way superior. I just want to be liked, but don’t want people taking advantage of my good nature anymore. This time has to be different, or I am going to head right back to square one again. I have started standing my ground again, but then the old doubts creep back in and I end up being the one holding the olive branch when I know deep down, I should have stayed put. Others always look to me like they do worse than I do, but they get away with it. People still like them etc etc. My son, sheeesh, when he has his managers hat on is a pain in the arse. He is great when relaxed and laughing and joking and we get on just fine. Maybe people would respect me more if I were not a doormat?

Thoughts, ideas, suggestions all most gratefully received, greatly appreciated and given my full and undivided attention.

Thanks

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About Tino

Fighting to save the sanity of a slightly demented forty something, who is fast approaching becoming a more than slightly demented fifty something ;-) View all posts by Tino

4 responses to “Givin’ it to you straight!

  • Elizabeth Newton FANCI

    Never allow anyone to intimidate you. If you think that you are right then stand up. My ex-husband used to browbeat me and I lost all my confidence in myself. I lost my personality. Then one day I sat myself down and had a chat with self. I knew all along that I was just as smart or smarter than he. I had gained some weight when pregnant and never lost it. I even gained more over the years because I was a stay at home Mom and didn’t get out very much. He lost respect for me and dominated me. So I started going to the gym and worked out every day at home as well. I changed my diet and gradually lost down to what I weighed when we married. I went back to school and got a great job. After awhile I started a business and made really good money. Men noticed me and flirted but I stayed true to my husband. I never questioned where he went. He stayed out late and I went to bed alone. I gave him the rope and let him hang himself. He cheated big time but I stayed until my daughter told me to divorce him. She was 16 years old and knew what he was doing and knew that I was unhappy. I had a good reputation and he didn’t. I got a great attorney and took the better part of what he had accumulated. I’m very happy and content now. So you see, one must stand up and make changes in ones self. You know me and you know that I express my opinion and sometimes get in trouble but I will never back down if I think that I’m right. I even defend my friends. You asked and I spoke. Liz

  • Elizabeth Newton FANCI

    Never allow anyone to intimidate you.

  • Tino11

    I am trying Liz, honestly I am. I have stood up to Christian [Zed] and Gra this time and look where that got me, lol. I back down too often for the sake of peace and harmony.
    What you did was amazing and brave and you should be very proud of yourself. Kudos by the bucket load for what you have done and to some extent are still doing. Who said women dont have balls? They were wrong!
    Yep, I asked and this is some of what I need to hear for sure.
    Its not often I am intimidated, I just dont like people who talk in an aggressive manner to me or anyone else and often feel I have to take them to task about it. Theres no need for anyone to talk to a fellow human being in any of the ways mentioned above. My old way of dealing with it was/is to lose my temper, but that achieves nothing and I am not going down that road again. Last night, replying to a message, I was getting very irate as the person involved did not seem to be reading what I wrote. I replied in a very strong fashion, without swearing, lol, but then erased the reply and posted another one instead. Then I berate myself for not sending the original as it will only lead to more hassle that I dont really want.
    C’est la vie.
    Thanks for the response though, cant have been easy writing that.

  • Elizabeth Newton

    I commented on this once but I got a message saying that I had already commented. If I have please dis-regard.
    You should always stand up for yourself regardless. Never allow anyone to browbeat you or talk down to you. That will only destroy your self confidence. I know that this is your blog but I want to share with you my experience with my ex-husband. First let me say that I think that I came out of the full of self confidence. I grew up in a small community and attended two very small schools. There, I excelled in my classes and in sports. I entered every contest that the schools offered and most of the time won.
    When I was 21 years old I married a much older man and he proceeded to destroy my self confidence. He told me how to talk, walk, dress, arrange my hair, where I good go and with who. After a few years of this kind of treatment I was so beat down that I did not recognize my self. I never questioned what he did or where he went. If he stayed out late I just went to bed and never asked questions. I gave him the rope and he hung himself. He cheated! But as unhappy as I was I stayed because I did not have the confidence to get out on my own. When our Daughter was 16 years old, she came to me and told me that I needed to get a divorce. She knew what he had done and how unhappy that I was. She had more confidence in me that I did. I hired a really good Attorney and was able to obtain a divorce. Because I had a good reputation and he did not, I was got the bulk of everything that we had accumulated over the years. I was financially secure. I went back to school and got my degree in Business Accounting and Social Services. I started a small business and was fairly successful. My confidence grew and I have finally regained my personality. I will never again allow anyone to run over me. You have seen this side of me in the poker forum that we both are members of. If I have a a friend who needs help I stand up for them as well.
    Today I have happy and content. Liz

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