Lost and Found


Life is a bitch sometimes and I mean a real BITCH!

I really thought that I was at the end of the tunnel. I could see the light, shining, guiding me away from that dreadful place I did not want to be in. I thought I had done what was required of me. I talked it over until I was sick of talking. I thought it over until I was sick of thinking. I went deeper than I have ever been and yet, somehow, I found a way back. But the voice is back, teasing me and taunting me, drawing me back into that fuckin tunnel and I do not wish to meet what lurks there, not again. Why does it feel like I have no fuckin choice, no conscious say in the matter, fuck, its my life.

I dream a dream. I am back in my shell, protected from harm and protected from doing harm. I dont NEED to exit this shell, I dont WANT to exit this shell, but I must if I am to survive. Thats what is left now, survival. I dont love, I dont hate, I just am, here, sliding back into the dark, one inch at a fuckin time, looking over my shoulder, pleading, begging not to go back there. This time, I might not come out. The flame extinguished, the spark is dead, the fight is over, the race is run and I dont think I have the energy left to run anymore. I am sick of running. The further I run, the closer to that place I get. Fear, real, palpable fear directs the show and I am just a bit part actor, making up the numbers, waiting until that day comes, which it must, sooner or later.

I do what I have always done. I spit my defiance and issue my challenge. You want me you fuckin son of a bitch, you come and get me, I am not on a plate for you.

Its like this every fuckin waking hour. 2/3 of me just wants to give up and let what will be, be. The other 1/3 still shouts and screams and will take on anyone or anything. That 1/3 used to 1/2, that 1/2 used to be 3/4, that 3/4 was a whole number. But the dark chips away, one bit at a time.

So I am there, staring into the void once again, looking for any straw to clutch at, any inspiration I can find. Living with this constantly is a drag and a real drain on energy.

I was lost in, a dream so deep,
No one was there, to help me sleep,
I was lost in, a dream so deep,
No one was there, to help me sleep.

I was lost to, the light of day,
No one was there, to show me the way,
I was lost to, the light of day,
No one was there, to show me the way.

Loneliness, was my only friend,
I could only see, a bitter end,
My life was done,
My life was done.

I was lost in, a lonely place
You were there, I saw your face,
I was lost in, a lonely place,
You were there, I saw your face.

I was cowed, on bended knees,
You reached out, to set me free,
I was cowed, on bended knees,
You reached out, to set me free.

From the pit, I slowly rise,
Leaving behind, the pitiful cries,
My life was done,
My life was done.

I was blind, now I can see,
You were there, to rescue me,
I was blind, now I can see,
You were there, to rescue me.

I was lost, but now I’m found,
My love for you, knows no bounds,
I was lost, but now I’m found,
My love for you, knows no bounds.

Out of despair, you gave me hope,
Every day, you help me to cope,
My life goes on,
My life goes on.

I try to move on, with my life,
Every day, only trouble and strife,
I try to move, with my life,
Every day, only trouble and strife.

I hear the voice, calling out to me,
Taking me back, where I dont want to be,
I hear the voice, calling out to me,
Taking me back, where I dont want to be.

The black is back, to carry me away,
Today I smell, deaths sickly bouquet,
My life is done,
My life is done.

Its been a long road,
My life is done,
Its been a long road,
My life is done.

The flame is gone,
My race is run,
The flame is gone,
My race is run.
My race is run,
My race is
My race
My
……..

Inspired by a song I heard for the first time yesterday.

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About Tino

Fighting to save the sanity of a slightly demented forty something, who is fast approaching becoming a more than slightly demented fifty something ;-) View all posts by Tino

7 responses to “Lost and Found

  • Lindy Lee

    You must put this to music…

  • brian miller

    really a stirring piece man…i agree…it is very lyrical…

    is this the one you meant to link at dverse today? the link you put inis not working and i can fix it, just le tme know…

    • TinoTino

      No mate, this is one I just put in when I was really pissed off with it all. The one I posted today was a remembrance piece from last year called, Those Magnificent Men In Their Flying Machines. If you can fix it, great, would appreciate it. If not, I can try again.

  • Victoria

    So painful, but a healthy expression of feelings. I hope the link to the other will be available…my dad flew a B-24 out of England.

  • zongrik

    my flame is gone, my race is run…and then is the race won? (which rhymes and that’s what we want to hear) but no, it’s not…we know that. 😦

    four memorial day senryu

  • karenglenn

    It is lyrical, and the repetition is very effective!

  • hobgoblin2011

    What a cool merger of gritty, impassioned illustrations of bare, raw, naked emotional prose and a lyrical fairy tale of sorts, stemming from the depths and rising through being saved, only to fall into finalities arms once again. I may have to reread, but this is my initial reaction. Love the combination of prose and lyric poetries together. Awesome job.

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