The Devil Went Down to Gateshead [A Parody]


The Devil went down to Gateshead
In a search of a pint of Brown
He hadn’t secured a deal in days
And thus he was feeling down

He walked into the Blue Azure
Asked the barman for a bottle of ‘dog’
The barman slowly shook his head
And replied “We only serve this grog”

Well the Devil he became mighty pissed
He started to rant and rave
He told the barman “Your soul is mine
As soon as you reach your grave”

The barman said ” Devil let me tell you what
You can have my soul today
But only if you drink ten pints of Scotch
If you decline, then be on your way”

Well the Devil thought it over
And he said ‘I’ll take your bet
I can drink any mortal under the table
This is one you’re gonna regret”

The barman slowly stood them up
The devil began the show
He supped the first in one long gulp
Only nine more pints to go

The second one was nectar
“I like this brew” the Devil said
He downed the third with a grusome grin
Feeling slightly fuggy inside his head

The barman, he had seen it
So many times before
Supping three was nothing
But wait until number four

The Devil looked slightly shaky
As he started number four
The rumbling in his belly grew
The barman knew the score

Before he started number five
The Devil knew that he’d been beat
His belly grumbled mightily loud
As he staggered to his feet.

The barman said, “The bogs that way
Turn left and then turn right”
The Devil was in a hurry
He desperately had to shite

The barman said, ” The drinks are on me”
The drinkers raced over to the bar
Not one asked for a pint of Scotch
They all knew what the results are
The Devil he was still crapping
Until the bar closed that fateful day
The barman shouted “Devil man
Time you were on your way”

The Devil bowed his head in shame
Because he knew that he’d been had
He took a rueful look at the barman
How had he been conned so bad

The barman shouted, “Devil man
Come on back if you ever want to try agin
I told you once you son of a bitch
Scotch is the worst beer theres ever bin.

The barman said, ” The drinks are on me”
The drinkers raced over to the bar
Not one asked for a pint of Scotch
They all knew what the results are
The Devil he was still crapping
Until the bar closed that fateful day
The barman shouted “Devil man
Time you were on your way”

Brown is Brown Ale, something Newcastle is very famous for.
Dog is another local name for Brown Ale.

Scotch is a local beer that many believe has the best laxative properites known to mankind.

Bog is another name for toilet in some areas of the UK.

There is/was a bar in Gateshead called something very close to the one mentioned.

Gateshead is over the Tyne Bridge from Newcastle to the south.

And this how it should sound,

This should be posted over at the dVerse, where you will find many a poet posting their work for us all to browse and comment on if we so wish. Please feel free to offer any comment you like on anything I do. If you think its crap, please say so and why, I really dont mind. From being told something is crap, I learn to do better next time. If you enjoy or like what I offer, I am always grateful to read why.

Toodle Pip

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23 responses to “The Devil Went Down to Gateshead [A Parody]

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