Almost to the tune of The Gambler by Kenny Rogers. Its not meant to be offensive, its a laugh, but I will concede, I sometimes do have a sick sense of humour.
It was a warm summers evenin,
sittin on the road to nowhere,
When a stranger walked right past me,
then turned to ask my name,
I asked him who wished to know,
on such a pleasant evenin,
He just smiled a cryptic smile,
as he began to explain the game.
He said son I’ve made a livin,
out of readin peoples faeces,
Knowing what they had to eat,
just the day before,
So I offered him my last 50 cents,
and asked him for a readin,
He just laughed and told me son,
it’ll cost a dollar more.
I said, fella I dont have that dollar,
what am I supposed to do now?
Is there anyway I can earn a readin,
without paying you nothing more?
He tipped a wink and started to explain,
the deal he had before him,
He said son there is more than one way,
to settle up the score.
Take your trousers down son,
and bend over that low wall there,
I got it all in hand now,
dont you worry ’bout a thing,
He had a tube of KY jelly,
which he smeared along his member,
The rest he used quite sparringly,
to lubricate my ring.
With a little twist here, a little shove there,
he entered my tight anus,
Back and forth he rode me,
like a cowboy rides his steed,
I felt him cum inside me,
then asked what he needed for the readin,
He replied, its ok now son,
I have everything I need.
Son, you had bacon for your breakfast,
with egg and sausage too,
Peanut butter on dark rye,
and a chunk of cheddar cheese,
A hearty stew with dumplings,
followed by some chocolate ice cream,
I asked how do you know all that,
without inspecting my faeces?
You got to know your cheese from your pickles,
know if eggs were poached or scrambled,
Know bacon when you see it,
dont mistaken it for ham,
You got to know caviar from fish roe,
and the fish from which it came from,
You got to be able to tell,
if its chopped pork or if its spam.
Off he went with a smile as wide
as the river Mississippi,
Laughin’ hard I could have sworn,
he had some laughin’ gas,
All I got to show for the night,
was two empty pockets,
My last 50 cents down the drain
and a pain in my ass!
This is a ewwwwww exercise to see how many readers I can get to ewwwww 😉 How he did the reading, well, I shall leave that up to your imagination.
This is how the original sounds,
Posted at Open Link Night over at dVerse, the poets pub.