Over at dVerse on Tuesday nights, its open link night [OLN] and I read something there that I found stirred something within me. Victoria, posted a Sestina, a form of poetry I had never heard of. To me, its a remarkable piece of work. the form is so technical and strict in its purest form, only by understanding that form and reading the piece over and over did I appreciate just how good, for want of a better word, this Sestina truly was. Without knowing it, Victoria had thrown down the gaunlet and I took it up with something approaching gusto. I was determined I was going to write a Sestina of my own. Lets get one thing straight, this is my first attempt at a Sestina and I dont expect or want congratulating, or a pat on the back, I want critique, I want to know why the effort is poor, which it is in comparison to Victoria’s. What can I do to improve it and why. Are the repeated words well chosen, or would something else fit better? Tell me as it is, tell me straight, I am a big boy now, I can take it in any form you care to throw at me.
As per usual, when I am struggling for a muse or inspiration, I turn to my first love, music. I took Let There be Rock by AC/DC,
I sprinkled in a little Hazel O’ Connor, Eighth Day,
I also added a dab of 10cc for the hell of it,
So I had to find 6 words that form the repeat, this was my choice,
I then copied the form from a website of how the Sestina should be constructed and that was so I was able to follow the word repeat structure properly. The syllable structure needed a lot of work and thought, that was possibly the hardest part. But anyway, this is the result of my efforts, in a constructional form, just how I wrote it yesterday.
A On the first day, man made laserbeam lights
B On the second day, man made divine sound
C On the third day, man made pulsating drums
D On the fourth day, man made shredding guitar
E On the fifth day, man made awesome music
F On the sixth day, he named this music rock
F Headbanging frenzy, it’s classical rock!
A Suspended animation, strobing lights,
E Horned fingers, salute powerful music
B The room becomes a cavern of wild sound,
D Axemen, thrash their delusive air guitar,
C Wild eyed chicks girate hips to pounding drums.
C The pace quickens, rhythm sticks hammer on drums,
F There’s more roll to accompany this rock!
D Fingers ambulate frets of piercing guitar,
A Shadowless figures absorb shimmering lights,
B Mouths form lyrics, devoid of word and sound,
E When did this become the devil’s music?
E Note the electric crowd, high on music,
C Mellow on rhythm, the pulse of tom tom drums,
B Doors imprison this boom box wall of sound
F No dreadlock holiday here, just hard rock,
A The band played on below their name in lights,
D Lead by a lunatic, playing guitar
D Picking his riffs, at one with his guitar,
E Jams and licks, the man lives for the music
A Stealing the limelight, shunning the street light,
C Thunderous bass backed by resonant drums
F The crowd roar their assent, they came to rock!
B A heaving mass, immersed deep in the sound.
B Suburbia won’t tolerate this sound,
D They shun the music man and his guitar,
F Stale pop pours from their radio, not rock,
E Rock n Roll ain’t no riddle, its music!
C But they don’t like the beat of jungle drums
A They are blind, for they haven’t seen the light.
AB You shall see the light, listen to the sound
CD Feel the drums, sense the magical guitar
EF This IS music, this IS what we call ROCK!
So there ya have it. Thats my first attempt at a very difficult form, in my opinion anyway. I really like the form and I hope this could be the first of many. I am not realy a form lover, I much prefer freestyle, but that was before I found a form I particularly enjoy.