Tag Archives: ass

The Rambler [A Parody]


Almost to the tune of  The Gambler by Kenny Rogers. Its not meant to be offensive, its a laugh, but I will concede, I sometimes do have a sick sense of humour.

It was a warm summers evenin,
sittin on the road to nowhere,
When a stranger walked right past me,
then turned to ask my name,
I asked him who wished to know,
on such a pleasant evenin,
He just smiled a cryptic smile,
as he began to explain the game.

He said son I’ve made a livin,
out of readin peoples faeces,
Knowing what they had to eat,
just the day before,
So I offered him my last 50 cents,
and asked him for a readin,
He just laughed and told me son,
it’ll cost a dollar more.

I said, fella I dont have that dollar,
what am I supposed to do now?
Is there anyway I can earn a readin,
without paying you nothing more?
He tipped a wink and started to explain,
the deal he had before him,
He said son there is more than one way,
to settle up the score.

Take your trousers down son,
and bend over that low wall there,
I got it all in hand now,
dont you worry ’bout a thing,
He had a tube of KY jelly,
which he smeared along his member,
The rest he used quite sparringly,
to lubricate my ring.

With a little twist here, a little shove there,
he entered my tight anus,
Back and forth he rode me,
like a cowboy rides his steed,
I felt him cum inside me,
then asked what he needed for the readin,
He replied, its ok now son,
I have everything I need.

Son, you had bacon for your breakfast,
with egg and sausage too,
Peanut butter on dark rye,
and a chunk of cheddar cheese,
A hearty stew with dumplings,
followed by some chocolate ice cream,
I asked how do you know all that,
without inspecting my faeces?

You got to know your cheese from your pickles,
know if eggs were poached or scrambled,
Know bacon when you see it,
dont mistaken it for ham,
You got to know caviar from fish roe,
and the fish from which it came from,
You got to be able to tell,
if its chopped pork or if its spam.

Off he went with a smile as wide
as the river Mississippi,
Laughin’ hard I could have sworn,
he had some laughin’ gas,
All I got to show for the night,
was two empty pockets,
My last 50 cents down the drain
and a pain in my ass!

This is a ewwwwww exercise to see how many readers I can get to ewwwww 😉 How he did the reading, well, I shall leave that up to your imagination.
This is how the original sounds,

Posted at Open Link Night over at dVerse, the poets pub.


Purple Pain in the Ass, The Avatar is Born


Purple Pain in the Ass, The Avatar is Born.


Purple Pain in the Ass, The Avatar is Born


By now, you might have noticed a familiar theme running through this blog.

PURPLE!

WTF is my obsession with the colour? No, I am not Prince or even a fan of his, although I do love When Doves Cry. No, its something more than that and just something that, as in life, just came about. Let me explain.

The title of this blog refers to poker, The life and times of a wannabe poker player and the bloggers name also makes a reference to that. I am Tino11 to my poker friends and opponents. But it’s not always possible to have a username or screen name of your choosing. In this instance, I could not use Tino, but I could use Pspacer11, which refers to the online poker community I have been a member of for getting on 2 yrs now. Pokerspace is the name of the forum, so I adapted that, and my Tino11 tag to make Pspacer11.

It’s through that site that all the purple stuff arose.

Pokerspace run a poker tournament each year called the Crew Cup. Its contested by crews that are made up of up to 6 players. The top 3 players score, blah blah blah, I wont bore you with the ins and outs. Suffice to say, I joined a crew called the MnM’s. Nice enough bunch of folks. There was Marcus the orange MnM, Derek the red MnM, Terri the green MnM, Brian the yellow MnM, Joe the blue MnM and Tino [me] without a colour. I found a site where you could design your own MnM character and I ended up with purple, which I liked and the avatar was cute. I got my good mate Dave to make a few adjustments and The Purple MnM was created in all its glory.

This little creation incorporated my passion for football [soccer to the heathens] and my favourite football club, Notts County. I was over the moon with this avatar and he became a part of me, just a small part, but he was my poker persona when playing.

During one Crew Cup qualifier, I was seated with my arch-enemy and nemesis iceman1967. A very accomplished poker player, but a real dickhead of a person. He should be called Marmite, you either love him or hate him. I respect his game, but not him as a person. Anyway, in an almost resigned tone, he commented via the in-game chat,

“Oh no, here comes the purple pain in the arse”

It was seen by myself as a compliment of sorts. He noticed me, he knew I was there and he knew I was a danger [we also met in the final game where I took him out of the game to win us the Trip to Vegas, he was steaming, lol]. But the name kinda stuck and I was looked upon by my crewmates as the Purple Pain in the Ass.

After the event, the crew broke up. Some of us still speak occasionally, but the purple stayed with me and was incorporated into a new avatar that is still in use today when I am posting blogs, comments or threads.

It just so happens, that the new Notts County strip includes some purple trim, so it blends well with my purple theme. I owe Dave a favour or two for his help. He uses Photoshop for a living and doing crap like avatars takes him seconds, whereas I would be on all afternoon.

So having been the one and only Purple MnM, to being a Purple Pain in the Ass, the colour is ingrained in me now and I must admit, upon reflection, I never had any issues with the colour and now I love it. I am a pain in the ass most of the time, but now I have a reputation to live down to, lol.