Tag Archives: Community

Neptune’s Whorehouse

Oil well community of blackened gold,
Men, hard as diamonds that never sparkled,
Women, lost in a timeless vacuum,
Children knowing nothing beyond the horizon,
Where the sun sets into its slumber,
As the church bell chimes its call to worship,
Upon the insane altar of god’s house,

‘You shall repent or face eternal damnation’

The elders berate their audience with words,
There shall be no making of waves here,
Yet they miss the subtle incongruity of the one,
Who truly talks to the god of this abode,
Yet she honours only menfolk of this dreary isle,
Unheard and unseen by her austere monachs,
Who care little for the dalliances of women,
Less for those of a mere girl.

‘You are bound by the laws of this church’

Laws are made for fools and elders,
Not young women who seek the frenzied excitement,
Only a man can provide, do provide, will provide,
Behind the sheilds of closed doors and darkness,
So as not to be cast out like the heathens of old,
Obliged to wander across hillock, burn and glen,
Clothed only in lonliness, without destiny or destination,
Bound to their immortal purgatory.

‘Lassie, you are condemned by your community’

The boat harboured in the havens between islands,
Providing solitude to those who accept,
Branded Neptunes Whorehouse by those who don’t,
Provided sanctuary for the lost, souless creatures,
Always at a price most willingly, voluntarily paid,
Under the discerning gaze of this particular ferryman,
The one who took most on their final journey.

“You are expelled from the sanctity of this place, be gone’

The deal was made, the contract signed,
Here she would remain,
In her drug induced stupour,
At the absurdity of it all.


I don’t know if anyone has seen the film [movie] Breaking the Waves or not. This is loosely based on that. I won’t go into detail, just in case someone does want to watch it sometime. But at least it gives some idea of what this based on. If you would like to view a trailer, here is a link to the official trailer on IMDb




Social Chameleon

Internet life started for me a few years ago. My son got his first real PC and immediately got it hooked up to the internet. On days off from work when my partner had to work her stupid rota [includes every other weekend] I would get a shout to go and look/watch something my son had found on the net. I have to admit, I was intimidated by computers and the internet back then, thinking one mistake would send the whole thing into meltdown.

I already had one e-mail address, set up via digital television so I could place bets without having to go to see the bookie. I could also buy lottery tickets that way as well, which was great as our little local shop lost its facility to sell lottery tickets.

My son, being ever the enthusiast, told me to use the net when he wasn’t around. He showed me a few basics, explained security protocols and left me to browse. He set up a user account for me, which I had no idea about and I was away. I joined Friends Reunited straight away and was instantly in touch with a couple of old friends that drifted out of my life. That was the beginnings of my love affair with the internet.

I was sending e mails back and forth with old friends and was having a ball. Someone I loved long ago came on the scene and we talked on messenger whenever possible. I found myself aching to get online to talk to her again. I would spend the free weekends chatting to her whenever possible and I found myself falling in love with her again, after the best part of 20 yrs of having no contact with her at all.

I found the delights of chat rooms and spent a lot of time there, until they did away with them due to all the problems with paedophiles [don’t get me started on that subject]. I found a trivia chat room very addictive. There was a small hardcore of us who spent as much time there as possible. Constantly trying to outdo each other with our general knowledge. It was fun and it was the first time I felt I belonged to something worthwhile.

When they decided to stop chat rooms in the present format, I was homeless, or so it felt. But I came across an adult site called The G Spot. It was a great place and I made myself at home there and was part of a great community. Then that got stopped in the UK as it was an American site and MSN prevented access from outside of the states. That really upset me. Again, I was homeless.

I still enjoyed the net and spent a lot of time using it. My son and I both had betting accounts and then we found online poker and both soon had poker accounts on Coral. We played whenever possible, never winning much, if anything. I had no idea there was strategy involved in a card game and just learnt by playing. I had no idea what a cbet was or a 3bet, when you should shove all in and when not.Bad Beats? Suckouts? uh uh, no siree, not a clue.

I was still using messenger and e-mail and also discovered internet radio. As a lover of music, I really enjoyed the huge options for listening to music. Classic rock, that’s my main genre. So I found Radiostorm 101 [formerly Star 101] and listened everytime I was online. There were some songs never heard before that I got into and of course, plenty of tracks I did know. There was also a chatroom [tagboard] attached to the place and again, I got involved, knew all the regulars and spent a lot of time there when I could. My son upgraded by then to ADSL broadband and everything was lightning fast as we are just around the corner from our local exchange. I met someone there one day who was having a hard time with her life. We got to talking and before long, we were regular on messenger with each other. I was getting in deep with someone and I was helpless to stop it.

My present relationship was going through its own hard time and for 3 months, we separated. A lot of it was caused by my confusion and inability to separate real life from my virtual one. I was secretive and spent every moment I could online, with old flames and new ones. The chat scene was great, a real laugh most of the time and a joy to be around. Then Radiostorm went down and that community fell apart. I still had a couple of folks there I talk to, including my love affair and of course, my old flame in the background. But once again, I felt homeless.

Then I came across 1ClubFM. Another radio station with a real community there. I made some new friends quickly and became very active in the place. Again, there was this hardcore of users that all got along so well. We had private groups set up, private chat from cbox and chatngo and all helped each other whenever the occasion arose. I know people from all over the world and all walks of life. All from chat rooms or radio stations.

Its kind of ironic at this point to point out that my last two downfalls have both been German. Coincidence? Has to be.

A new arrival at 1Club was sixpack. Along with myself and Merc, we became the 3 musketeers of the place. We chased the idiots out of the chat room, helped new users find their way around, ran our respective groups and had a ball. We could send all kinds of messages with flashing images. Every weekend was the same.Sending all our friends [sic] messages to have a great weekend etc etc. Then things started to go wrong. This sixpack was using multiple accounts and using them to chat women up. A real lothario he was. He started to cause trouble, playing people off against each other. No one knew at the start, what was going on, but the divisions appeared, arguments broke out, ill feeling created and trust broken. We were tight, very tight. But this bastard split us right down the middle. It all turned nasty and I, along with others withdrew away from the place. It’s still there, revamped and looking modern, but it’s not what it was and most of our group have blown to the four corners. I was in touch with some of them via Facebook, but I had some little nasties from that network, so closed it down. I did set up a new account there, sometime later, but again, I dropped it because of all the crap going around. Again, I was homeless.

I got myself a little PDA, a sort of handheld mini PC. I could get online just about anywhere with it and spent ages on it talking via messengers. I reached the stage that I was hardly doing any work. I did what had to be done, no more or less. I was still chatting to my online lover from the states and my old flame and a few others. Still spending a lot of time online on my sons pc. He was spending less and less time at home, as young men do, so that left me to play whenever I felt like it really. I tried to get my partner involved. I set her up her own e-mail account, showed her what could be done and I was always around if anything should go wrong, or she needed help. But she just never took to it and still hasn’t. At that time, the pc was shoved away in a walk in cupboard in my sons room. It meant that if I was in there, online, my partner was alone watching tv or reading the paper.

Just over 3 years ago, I went down with chickenpox. Never had em as a kid it turns out. It was bad. It put me in hospital for 12 days, pumped full of drugs to keep me alive. Things went wrong. The virus somehow got into my spinal column, headed north to my brain and has left me with some serious balance issues, sight problems and a few other side effects. I have been off work now for 3 yrs and not driven a car since. Now I have all day every day to waste.

So I treated myself to a new laptop. I could sit with my partner and be online. I found myself playing more and more online poker. I was joining forums and reading about the game, the strategy, the math behind it all. It was interesting and kept me amused for the long hours of days and nights. I found a poker community called Pokerspacer. It had its own tournaments on different networks, you could earn points and exchange them for cash and again, there was this hardcore group who played every game, or near as. The blogs were always fun, some personal, some poker related, some just bitching. Again, I spent a lot of my time there and met some very pleasant people. I was also suffering from depression, mourning the loss of my former life [all in the healing process] and people at Pokerspace helped me through some tough times. I will always be very grateful to those people, they helped me get back some sanity.

Sadly, things there got bad. the main man in admin is German. I got on fine with him most of the time. he is young, full of cum and can be very dumb. He is learning, but he has this attitude, that most Germans seem to have, that he is always right and knows better than everyone else. I shall leave it at that. Anyway, a new member was fitting in well and organised a new tournament. To access the game, you had to pass a poker quiz. It was fairly tough. There were blog posts flying back and forth, messages etc etc, as a few of us were bustin our balls to solve the puzzles. In one exchange with this person, I, mockingly told him I was taking a contract out on him, and if that failed, I would go and sort him out myself. It was banter, that’s all.

So this person, for reasons unbeknown at the time, told me to goggle his name. I thought nothing of it and carried on doing my thing. But it bugged me, why would someone tell you to goggle their name, are they really that vain? The long and the short of it was, his brother was a pro boxer and that’s what he expected me to find. That was his protection against my jocular threat to have him beaten up. That I know now, but didn’t then.

What I turned up horrified me. this person, I use the phrase loosely, was a convicted paedophile. Not accused, convicted. I read a few items and articles and thought, hang on, I have pictures of Tinks on Pokerspace, I don’t want that bastard looking at them or using them in any way. I should point out here, that we were all able to adjust security and privacy settings to prevent this. But why should we all do that because of one pervert?

I sent a message to admin of Pokerspace, telling them of what I had found and asking for his removal. If he had been accused and found not guilty, or had not gone to trial yet, I would not have asked that, but he was convicted, given a jail sentence on appeal and banned from coaching children. [ he was a swimming coach and school teacher].

I had no response to that message. So, I set about warning all the members on my buddy list that this evil bastard was about the place and to watch out for him. I didn’t want to start a riot of a witch hunt or the like. I just didn’t think this person should be a member of our community and a lot of members agreed with that.

Anyhow, I got into a real fight about the subject, ended up suspended from the poker forum and due to those events, lost any respect that I once had for the admin of the site. I thought it cowardly not to ban this person and some of the reasons and excuses for not doing so were, in my opinion, bullshit.

Anyway, I am finding it increasingly hard to continue in that community. I like the place, most of its members and the games, but just have no respect for the arrogant, condescending twat who runs the show.

I am struggling to keep in touch with people I owe a lot to and again, I am finding myself homeless.

My head doc [psychologist] said that starting a blog or diary might help with my battle with depression. I started blogging in may 2010, but found it hard going, so stopped. Early this year [2011] I decided to tray again. My head was in a better place than back in may 2010 and I found I was enjoying the experience. I am learning something new all the time. I have unearthed a creative streak I didn’t know I had. I am writing whenever possible, about this and that. I turn out poetry, some good, some bad, almost daily and have had some encouraging feedback. I still have lots to learn, but its enjoyable, it’s a release and its helped get my head straight. Theres a hardcore again, of poets and writers who always pop up at the same prompts, the same events and sites and they all appear to be good people. I am enjoying myself again.

I am sad that I seem to be losing contact again, with people I know and care about. That is a constant in my online search for a home, something to which I belong and accepts me for who and what I am. I try to be pleasant, try to be honest, polite and kind, but I have a dark side I know only too well.

So maybe I have found a new home with blogging, maybe not. I still play poker, most nights, even met that fucker of a paedophile a couple of times at the tables. I write, listen to music, read and do what I can to help my partner and son out and love looking after Tinks whenever needed. She usually stays over on Monday nights and all day Tuesday. That will stop in about 18 months, or less, when she starts school full-time. I am not looking forward to that, but its inevitable and I just have to accept it.

So that’s my online life, from start to present. I am online almost every day, sometimes all day and night. Its my connection to the outside world. I don’t venture far alone. My partner works as do my son and his partner.I drift along, doing my thing and try to enjoy the good days and survive the bad days. I am off for a week to my spiritual home in 10 days or so and that will be a much-needed and enjoyable break for us both. We love the hills of Northumberland and have a little cottage right on the edge of the national park. Can’t wait to get there now.

Adios, arriva derci, toodle pip, ta-ta, auf weidersein, good-bye.


A sad day indeed. My once beloved poker forum has seen fit to suspend me for posting a news link to a paedophile story that broke today. Its been a bit of a running battle recently and I have grown kind of tired with it all. But the subject got resurrected recently and I have just made a couple of comments, nothing nasty, just what I see as the truth behind it all. I just dont believe that a convicted paedophile has any business on the internet, let alone as a member of a poker forum. But the site admin feel differently and they make the rules, so thats that. I have no idea how long for or if its permanent or not, time will tell. It just sits badly with me, especially as I have a 3 yr old granddaughter. If one of those fuckers ever hurt her, they would be dead, simple as that, no hesitation. In this day and age, guns are not hard to find. I would only do the kneecaps first, then make the fucker suffer some before finishing the job. I make no appollogies for that at all. I detest these bastards and wouldn’t hesitate in killing one of them, they are scum, the whole lot of them and they need to learn theres no place on this planet for them.

So what I am going to do with myself now, I dont know, lol. In many ways, its doing me a favour in helping me distance myself from there. It was developing into a slow divorce and getting messy with it. But thats what these people bring to your door, nothing but trouble and pain and suffering. The timing could just be a blessing in disguise if a couple of things come off for me in the next few weeks. I hope its just a two week job, so I can still play a few games there and talk to a few mates at the tables now and then, but I am not going to be devastated or anything. Maybe the time is right to move on, when coupled with other areas of life that I am trying to push forward. So maybe this year is the year of change that I have been wanting and hoping it to be. Iam in a better place mentally and although its slow going, my fitness is building bit by bit and thats what I need, baby steps, inch by inch. Progress is progress, no matter how slow and painful it is, its progress all the same and thats the important factor right now.

It very much looks like, unless a small miracle happens, that this is me now for the rest of my days. If thats the case, bring it on, I am ready for a good scrap. Three years of hell has led me to a great deal of frustration and somewhere, its payback time. I have got to be sensible and focused and not want everything to happen like yesterday, aptience, patience and more patience will get me through I am sure. And now that damned place has banned my sorry ass, I need an outlet. But after naming this blog after the place as my own tribute, I am wondering if I can change the name of it at all? I will have a real look for that tomorrow when theres more time. I have won just about all I wanted to win there anyway. I did the clean sweep, won the CC tournament, won some points buy ins, and a cash buy in and two indy leages. Iwould have liked to have spent a month playing the VIP games, but doubt thats gonna happen now. I shall be closing more accounts now and getting others taken off the trackers they are on, they aint gettin no more of my hard earnt cash.

So that ends a lousy day. Felt shit all day today and come back down with a bump after yesterday being so positive. But I wont let that get me down or this other crapola, screw that. Let the children play and try to be god, I aint interested anymore in that.

Tomorrow is another day. For now, I am going to play some poker with a few online friends and have a laugh or two, hopefully. Not bothered about winning, not really, but that might change come game time, lol.

Tatty Bye


Ok, for some of you out there, you will be asking what the hell my name could mean.  Pspacer11 means absolutely nothing by itself and I have to agree. But, knowing and understanding some of the background behind it all explains how it came about.

I am an active member of an online poker forum/community called Pokerspace. It’s a great place to meet fellow poker players, talk poker, play poker and post blogs and forum topics.


I think if you click the link it should take you to the community homepage and you can take it from there. the school is a good place to start. It matters not what you level of skill is, it’s a good test to see just how much you think you know about poker. Be warned, the outcome can be surprising!

Theres all manner of things going on at Pokerspace. Theres a weekly tournament schedule for members only, with points and cash to be won and a great team event called the Crew Cup where the prize is an all expenses trip to somewhere, usually a casino hotspot or something like that.

Anyway, I digress. I have been a member there for almost a year now and have enjoyed the ride so far. I have improved my game, which is why I signed up in the first place and won two Indy Leagues, various tournaments and also the Crew Cup. To have done all this inside of my first 12 months has been staggering and shows how much my game has improved. The Crew Cup prize this year was for a trip to Las Vegas to play the live OFC [online forum challenge] at the end of June. Hotel accommodation, travel expenses and buy ins are all paid for and theres cash left over for some spending money. Not bad huh. Oh, there’s also the annual PSOC event which is the Pokerspace Online Championship. It’s almost a mini WSOP with various events with different buy ins and prizes. All events can be satellited into.

Anyway, that’s where the name comes in. My nic on Pokerspace is Tino11, but that was already taken by the time I got here. So I had the task of thinking up a new nic that incorporated my own nic and the community I represent. So to me, Pspacer11 was a good compromise, one that I am happy with and one that suggests where I might be coming from.

I would think by now, all you poker players from the US are aware of the UIGEA  regs put forward by your government to either restrict you from playing poker, or to find some way of taxing the revenue from poker and online gambling.


This blog from one of our distinguished administrators shows the latest news about all this nonsense. Unfortunately, this  whole situation threatens us all as online poker players as I feel certain that other governments of the world will try to follow suit.

So now you have some idea of what we are about. Why not jump on over and pay us a visit and see for yourself whats on offer. Nothing ventured, nothing gained right? I am sure, once you have a butchers [look] you will be hooked.