Tag Archives: Dogs

The Dogs Bollocks


What a great, decriptive phrase. One of my all time favourites. I have no idea of its origins. There a few stabs online trying to guess where it came from, but nothing conclusive. Heres my own interpretation with a little twist.

The Dogs Bollocks

He thought he were the dogs bollocks,
a primitive cock o’tha’ north,
Never declined an invite,
to multiply as he went fourth,
Shagged around like a dog on heat,
if it moved it was always fair game,
To leave a trail of young mongrels,
was his lifes solitary aim.

Six feet two, with eyes of blue,
maybe he was every girls dream,
Its true when I think about it,
they held him in very high esteem,
Boasting of his animal magnetism,
no women could possibly resist,
A woman who would not lay with him,
in his eyes could never exist.

Each time he looked in the mirror,
often admiring what his eyes saw,
The constant tales of his conquests,
soon became a terrible bore,
The lasses swooned and fell at his feet,
each day as he passed them by,
He always said if he ever ignored them,
they would make such a hue and a cry.

Never one to toot his own horn,
he insisted he was hung like a horse,
One lass mentioned viagra,
said his erection couldn’t stay the course,
He loved all women, but loved himself more,
the man was terribly vain,
There were some found him highly addictive,
moreso than even cocaine.

His name was one of legend he said,
a true craftsman thats what he thought,
His vocation in life was to love women,
alas he would leave many distraught,
We all told him, until blue in the face,
he cant say he wasn’t fore warned,
That betrayal would be his undoing,
hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.

Mend his ways he could not do,
to change he was willfully averse,
Some would say it was a gift from god,
some would say its more of a curse,
Use an abuse em, treat em mean,
take what you want and then leave,
Thats how to treat women,
or so he would have us believe.

Listen he didn’t so some would say,
he got exactly what he deserved,
He left them trailing in his wake,
his behaviour increasingly absurd,
One evening down town, he met his match,
he had a few drinks with this chick,
Then back to hers for coffee,
where instead she cut off his prick.

Theres a moral to this sad story,
treat women you meet with respect,
Piss em off at your discretion,
not a wise move I suspect,
The dogs bollocks you may possibly be,
cock o’ tha’ north though is no longer true,
No more screwing around each night,
its slippers and a pipe for you!