Tag Archives: insanity

This Ordinary Man


I hope you will indulge me here, before you read this latest offering.

This Ordinary Man is semi biographical I suppose. Its concerns what it says in the title, an ordinary man. That’s how I see myself, always have, always will. In darker days, I often thought, even believed, that I was descending slowly into insanity. How does anyone identify their own downward spiral into madness? I am not sure its possible. But if it is?

Its starts off, with a bombardment of thoughts and emotions, that slowly take over the mind of a man. The path then leads to a complete change of the persona. From a caring, thoughtful individual, into something or someone, loved ones no longer recognize. We follow that path as this new individual [twin, dark side] takes up the battle for supremacy of the one. The alter ego devours all that is good about the man until he is no longer, or he no longer believes, he is just an ordinary man and the morphism becomes complete as the decent into insanity also becomes complete.

I hope that makes some kind of sense. I often know what I want to say, but never seem to quite find the right way to say it. Anyway, without further ado.

This Ordinary Man

Confused
This velocity of thought
Twisted
Devoid of the emotional gratitude
Endured
By this ordinary man

Contorted
This knot of reflection
Affection
Bereft of compassionate attachment
Desired
By this ordinary man

Circuitous
This carousel of agitation
Remorse
Bankrupt of naked anguish
Sustained
By this ordinary man

Obdurate
This perverse imagination
Relentless
Images of fervent self indulgence
Perpetuated
By this ordinary man

Opinionative
This intransigent conceit
Preoccupied
Seduced by narcissistic vanity
Consumed
By this ordinary man

Opprobrious
This malignant beau
Exacerbated
Truculent in deed and word
Sanctified
By this ordinary man

Deprecate
This schizophrenic twin
Imbibe
Temperate doppelganger
Transmogrification
No ordinary man.

Submitted to dVerse for Open Link Night Week 38.

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Borderline Insanity?


Ideas,
Bordering on lunacy,

Mind,
Bordering on unconsciousness

Thoughts,
Bordering on the bizarre,

Emotions,
Bordering on depravity,

Feelings,
Bordering on vacuous,

Words,
Bordering on inane,

Actions,
Bordering on suicidal,

me?
i breached the borders of insanity long ago!


Dark Recollections.


This weeks prompt from Victoria is a tough one for me personally. I find myself thinking of last winter when I descended into my own version of purgatory.  I was virtually housebound due to the severe weather and my disability and I just retreated into myself completely. I dare say that some would laugh if I was to say that a 3yr old bought me back, but, laugh not, it is true. This winter, I wont be going back there, I now have the tools and strength of mind to deal with whatever may come this winter. And a 4yr old to keep me complis mentis as well  😉

the shortening days darken my mood,
withdrawing silently, forced to brood,
For sunlight again, I openly yearn,
wanting to hibernate until warmer days return,
until such time, I remain subdued.

i walk the corridors of this tortured mind,
looking for solutions i doubt i’ll find,
each door a portal to introspection,
each room alive with rampant infection,
of thoughts much maligned.

the gentle ripple of encroaching insanity,
segregated from the rest of humanity,
alone, wracked by time and despair,
thoughts I endeavoured to foreswear,
submerged in a plethora of abnormality.

you are nothing,
i am nothing,
the world is nothing,
there is…..
nothing!

I got help at the right time. I put aside the macho bullshit and admitted to myself that I needed help, which is something I have never asked of anyone before. So if you find yourself slipping into depression, low mood or whatever moniker you want to use, get help, its there, but only if you put your pride to one side and ask for it.

Thanks to a very good psychologist [head doc] for helping me through the most difficult time of my life! And of course to a little Tinkerbell for giving me a reason to live.