Tag Archives: Nightmare

A Moment in Time


I used to travel a lot in my old job and one run I did on a very regular basis was from Newcastle to Manchester for machines to be serviced at a specialist depot in the suburb of Stockport. Leaving home at 4am, the drive is about 3-3 1/2 hours. Because the journey is through about 4 different counties the radio signal changes frequently, so I never listened to it, I always had all my favourite music cassettes with me that I just played and played and played.

I did the trip as normal that September day. A day unlike any other day, but for more reasons that one. The journey over the Pennines was incident free. I arrived usual time, fueled up ready for the return journey, had the usual cuppa with Pete and Bill before starting, then listening to more music whist waiting for the service of the machine to be completed. Breakfast at 9am as usual, job finished and ready to hit the road again by 11am.

2 ways home. The dreaded M62/M1/A1 route, or the more pleasant M4/Hartside route. Plenty of time, lets go scenic. More music [some lines you might see included] home by 4pm. I walked in and my son was in his usual prone on the sofa position [students huh] and the images on the tv screen look like a Die Hard film. Not seen that one, what is it ? was my question.

 
4am, on a darkened motorway,
bound for?
Manchester, UK, well,
Stockport is the true destination,
via that bastard
someone christened the M62
the road to hell itself
little was I to know
hell on earth was happening
that very day

2 4 6 8 never too late
just on and on and on
Motorway madness in all its glory
undipped headlights of the weary
break lights of the speedsters
slowness of the lost
all caught on a crumbling network
of so called roads.

Music, always music,
coffee and pre rolled smokes
cassette after cassette after cassette
Loud, always loud
cocooned in my cab
the womb of the driven
radio on by my side?
never.

Depot reached, brews made,
eyes sore from too bright lights
and the break of dawn
bacon butties
on dirty plates
jokes, just as dirty
the playground of men
and mechanics.

11am, time to hit the road
scenic route, or
back over that menace of a road
jammed with horseless wagons
rolling, rolling, rolling
or green hills
winding roads,
quaint villages
no contest.

What you watching sunshine?
The Trade Center
Good film?
Its Real.
Give over, who’s in it?
Its Real.
Stop playing silly games
I’m not, this is REAL.

Watching, awaiting the punchline
that never came
the realisation
what my eyes saw, yet
mind would not believe
became
all too real.
I wept.

Posted for Open Link Night over at dVerse where  Brian Miller is your host.

Advertisements

The Box


Sand dances merrily across my vision
Carried by a sirocco’s gentle touch
my minds eye sets upon the darkening horizon
blurred by tears of helplessness
There, shimmering in its secular glory,a
Soft oasis of my salvation

Sealed in its loneliness
singular within itself but
outside of the expected
A box containing
What?
tricks of the mind?

I see you box you
cannot hide, unless
my imagination should collapse upon itself
leaving you alone
only if you
are real?
What is real in this place?
Myself or
The box?
Or neither?

Open, jaws wide beckoning me
seducing me in its shade
Coolness, tantalizing my flesh
yet burning my eyes
singeing my sun bleached hair
inviting
one step at a time

The box contains a box
within a box
within a box
within a box
how?
it cannot be so
as that would create
solitude

As I languish, lost
in my gaolers laughter
all there was
all there is
all there will be
is
The Box
the symbol of my nightmares.
Over at dVerse, Victoria Slotto is behind the bar. Tonight/today, she is serving up a prompt of symbolism. So if you have time, please pop along and read some of the offerings there, I know they will be pleased to see you.


Lost and Found


Life is a bitch sometimes and I mean a real BITCH!

I really thought that I was at the end of the tunnel. I could see the light, shining, guiding me away from that dreadful place I did not want to be in. I thought I had done what was required of me. I talked it over until I was sick of talking. I thought it over until I was sick of thinking. I went deeper than I have ever been and yet, somehow, I found a way back. But the voice is back, teasing me and taunting me, drawing me back into that fuckin tunnel and I do not wish to meet what lurks there, not again. Why does it feel like I have no fuckin choice, no conscious say in the matter, fuck, its my life.

I dream a dream. I am back in my shell, protected from harm and protected from doing harm. I dont NEED to exit this shell, I dont WANT to exit this shell, but I must if I am to survive. Thats what is left now, survival. I dont love, I dont hate, I just am, here, sliding back into the dark, one inch at a fuckin time, looking over my shoulder, pleading, begging not to go back there. This time, I might not come out. The flame extinguished, the spark is dead, the fight is over, the race is run and I dont think I have the energy left to run anymore. I am sick of running. The further I run, the closer to that place I get. Fear, real, palpable fear directs the show and I am just a bit part actor, making up the numbers, waiting until that day comes, which it must, sooner or later.

I do what I have always done. I spit my defiance and issue my challenge. You want me you fuckin son of a bitch, you come and get me, I am not on a plate for you.

Its like this every fuckin waking hour. 2/3 of me just wants to give up and let what will be, be. The other 1/3 still shouts and screams and will take on anyone or anything. That 1/3 used to 1/2, that 1/2 used to be 3/4, that 3/4 was a whole number. But the dark chips away, one bit at a time.

So I am there, staring into the void once again, looking for any straw to clutch at, any inspiration I can find. Living with this constantly is a drag and a real drain on energy.

I was lost in, a dream so deep,
No one was there, to help me sleep,
I was lost in, a dream so deep,
No one was there, to help me sleep.

I was lost to, the light of day,
No one was there, to show me the way,
I was lost to, the light of day,
No one was there, to show me the way.

Loneliness, was my only friend,
I could only see, a bitter end,
My life was done,
My life was done.

I was lost in, a lonely place
You were there, I saw your face,
I was lost in, a lonely place,
You were there, I saw your face.

I was cowed, on bended knees,
You reached out, to set me free,
I was cowed, on bended knees,
You reached out, to set me free.

From the pit, I slowly rise,
Leaving behind, the pitiful cries,
My life was done,
My life was done.

I was blind, now I can see,
You were there, to rescue me,
I was blind, now I can see,
You were there, to rescue me.

I was lost, but now I’m found,
My love for you, knows no bounds,
I was lost, but now I’m found,
My love for you, knows no bounds.

Out of despair, you gave me hope,
Every day, you help me to cope,
My life goes on,
My life goes on.

I try to move on, with my life,
Every day, only trouble and strife,
I try to move, with my life,
Every day, only trouble and strife.

I hear the voice, calling out to me,
Taking me back, where I dont want to be,
I hear the voice, calling out to me,
Taking me back, where I dont want to be.

The black is back, to carry me away,
Today I smell, deaths sickly bouquet,
My life is done,
My life is done.

Its been a long road,
My life is done,
Its been a long road,
My life is done.

The flame is gone,
My race is run,
The flame is gone,
My race is run.
My race is run,
My race is
My race
My
……..

Inspired by a song I heard for the first time yesterday.