Tag Archives: Winning


At last its quiet, feel the peace,
I wondered if the noise would ever cease,
I sit now alone, the sound of silence is all that’s left,
The feeling, numb, now bereft.
Talk to me friend, break this space,
Talk to me, Speak with customary grace,
Words, they are all I have now,
Words, I think, with furrowed brow,
What did you say, the quiet deafens me here,
Speak, speak, whisper to this ear,
So far have I come, so long has it taken,
Oh don’t take this, don’t be mistaken,
No one owns this road, this path I walk,
All we ever did was roam, and talk,
But now words escape me, confuse me,
I still walk, you beside me, both free,
The air is still, calmed before the storm breaks,
Still, my heart, for you it aches,
Have I told you, recently, my memory fades,
Like the sun, hiding cunningly in shade,
Dims my senses, but the beacon burns bright,
It lights this cold and barren night,
Passion is mine now, hear these words,
The thrust is strong, blood stains this sword,
Cuts deep into the flesh of your love and feeling,
What have I done, I am frightened, reeling,
I see only the pains and the sorrows,
Steal, plunder, but be gone tomorrow,
Let them words die now, make it humane,
Words were never mine, yours, or constantly mundane,
Lay them to rest now, let them drift and wane,
Cease oh sorrow, cease oh pain,
Quiet, quiet, quiet so quiet.
I am alone.

How can anyone be so alone in a world of 6.5 billion people? It doesn’t make sense, never has. But some days, I could be the one and only person on the face of this planet.

I used to be more than happy, content with my own company, but these days I tend to get bored with myself. I read a lot, listen to music probably every day. I post blogs, used to be very active on a poker forum until recently and try to keep myself occupied. The more I try to occupy myself though the worse it gets, some days, not every day. I cannot find a reasonable explanation for it at all. I think about things maybe too much, so really I should be able to find somethings out about myself. One day I am ok, feel confident in going forward, then the next day, all the old doubts creep in again and I seem useless to stop it from happening. The doubts are what drove me to see a psychologist, but I dont feel much wiser now than I did then. Its not the world that pisses me off, its myself and the underlying sense of not knowing myself anymore. Its that I can’t figure out, its that I am trying to solve. The solution some days is within my grasp, I am sure of it, then I drop it and can’t find it again. Its a bloody enigma to myself, I have no idea how that is so.

One thing that is wierd though is, I play poker the exact same way. One day, I feel good about my game, I play a decent game and win more than I lose, but then tomorrow, that confidence is gone and I doubt my ability at the tables. When I feel that way, I make some awful decisions and play hands badly.  To me, poker is about finding the “thin” value. Forget AA, KK etc etc. Its hands like TJs or 56s that you can disguise well and profit from. Its the full blown bluff that pays off and semi bluffs. They are where you make your profit or force mistakes. To be profitable, you have to make fewer mistakes than your opponents. But on those days where I am full of doubts again, I am the one making the mistakes ll on my own, my opponents dont need to force me into making them, I do it all by my lonesome. I cannot profit playing like that. I have all the theory up to and including intermediate level poker and quite a bit of advanced theory that I understand as well. Its hard to implement at the micro levels though. Its more or less fit or fold poker down there. Play the cards, your opponents dont care what you are trying to do, some dont even understand it. They think top pair with a crap kicker is a nailed one winner. In some ways it is, in other ways its spewing chips. I have come to think now I am at a real crosroads of my poker journey. I am not a winning player, or a losing one. I do ok, break even most of the time, less the rake, which means I am losing cash, just not at a great rate, but still losing it. That has to stop, or I need to change what I do. My usual TAG style is ok to a point, but I need to develop that into a more LAG style of play sometimes. I have the aggression, theres no doubting that. I am often the most aggressive player at a table [if you look at stats]. I have a solid pre flop game, but am weak post flop. I dont play too many hands, I dont overplay hands very often, but once that flop has come, thats where my game is weak. Theres a whole rainforest of pre flop strategy out there but not much post flop strategy. Post flop is all down to board texture, opponents, image etc etc. There are no set ways to play a hand post flop. Yes, certain ways of playing post flop are +EV, but thats over like 50k hands. I am too result orientated to get past that, although I know I must.

Well thats about it for today methinks. I only meant to write a short poem about how I feel today compared to yesterday, with a little edge to it that some will see and others wont, it depends on how you read it. I would like to think that someone out there in blog land see’s behind what I write instead of just the face value. I dont think I ma obtuse, but others might. I would love some feedback about that sometimes. Its great that some people like what I do, but to improve, I need some more critical feedback? maybe? I should be happy that people read some of my stuff and like it, but me being me, I want more, always want more. I could have the most passionate, loving woman that ever lived and I would still want more. I am not fullfilled, maybe that is the crux of the problem?

Anyway, gonna wrap it up there. More questions than answers as usual. But thats just the way the cookie crumbles.

Toodle Pip.


Playing to Win

I was sitting with my laptop ready one day,
Reading about poker whilst waiting to play,
There were aticles and sites and pages galore,
Some of them impossible for me to ignore.

Charts for this and charts for that,
And forums and blogs where you would be able to chat,
Pre flop, post flop, check, raise or fold,
Play it tight is what beginners are told.

The amount of info is a real mryiad,
Calling or limping we are told are both bad,
Raising and re raising is the name of the game,
Taking down pots is your only aim.

The screen suddenly changes and up pops the felt,
The hole cards come out as each hand is dealt,
Avatars stare blankly as the calls are all made,
The chips going in making a coloured cascade.

The flop hits the board and is so very dry,
I missed it completely, now what shall I try?
Make a bluff when I am out of position?
Or fold them now, it’s a tough decision.

So fold them it is, thats what the books say,
Dont be giving cheap chips away,
Position, position is all that I hear,
Really that decision was perfectly clear.

Take your time, exercise patience and wait,
Breathe in deeply, control that heart rate,
Sooner or later you’ll get a good hand,
Then you will see your chip stack expand.

Through the levels you patiently grind,
The final table is utmost in mind,
Thats where the cash and the glory are found,
Thats where the champion is newly crowned.

And now there are three, the only ones left,
Stealing the blinds and antes aint theft,
You do what it takes so you can survive,
Your only aim is staying alive.

Its down to Heads Up, now there are two,
This is reserved for only a few,
Many have tried but fall at the last,
You have played well, your rivals outclassed.

The war rages on, the traps are in place,
Now all there is, is to win this last race,
You flop the nuts and your opponent check raised,
Then when you shove, he looks totally amazed.

The stacks in the middle, now the turn and the river,
You paid the ferryman now he has to deliver,
The cards are all down, the chips are all in,
You take it down, this one you win!

All Rights Reserved

What is winning really?

This blog comes about after a couple of posts in my favourite poker forum about winning at what it actually is/means. Obviously, winning means different things to different people. What I view as winning another person might think it nothing special. So what is winning then? Well its a bit of an open ended question really as winning is so many different things to so many different people.

Let me try and bring some sense into the matter. The dictionary definition shows that winning is noun and is the act of a person or thing that wins. Or something that is won, a prize or cash usually. But its also adjective and that changes the situation slightly as it can be then used more as a description of a person and their character/personality. So as we can see, it can still be quite complex in its true meaning.

But, we are using it as a noun and asking “What is Winning” in more of a sporting or competetive sense. There are those that are of the opinion that it is not the winning that counts, but the taking part in whatever competition. I say that he who finishes 2nd is often forgotten. Who remembers who came 2nd in the 2008 WSOP? I bet not many. As its World Cup year for the soccer community, who were the runners up in 2006? Not easy is it. No one will ever remember that you took part, but they will remember if you win! So saying that the taking part is the important part is partialy true, but most of us would rather win.

Anyway, I read a couple of these blogs and started thinking what winning actually means to me and it was hard to come up with a definative answer or conclusion. Winning comes in many different forms. A person who battles and beats cancer could definately be thought of as a winner. They won the battle against one of mankinds worst diseases. A child hooking a duck at the local fair and gaining a prize is no doubt a winner. The one who wins the WSOP main event will win a huge financial windfall. So as it becomes more obvious, there are many types of winners. But after much thought and pondering the meaning of the word, I was left with this,

Winning is doing the best you can,
Winning is running the race you just ran,
Winning is the dawning of another new day,
Winning is how you smile that way,
Winning is taking an inch but never the mile,
Winning is about greeting a friend with a smile,
Winning is helping ones less fortunate than you,
Winning is accepting another persons view,
Winning is supporting the people you love,
Winning is thanking the heavens above,
Winning is giving to others you know,
Winning is reaping the seeds that you sow,
Winning is watching you grandchildren play,
Winning is living life the right way,
Winning is music, a melody, a tune,
Winning is the rising of another new moon,
Winning is whatever you want it to be,
But all of this is winning to me.

As a lover of life and all it entails, I think we are all winners in our own way. Its wrong to class someone a loser as we have no idea of past or future victories. You might beat me on a poker table, but I might kick your butt on a squash court. So that to me makes us both winners, just in different areas of life.

The next time you see someone, or meet someone and you start to think of them as a loser, just stop for a second or two and remind yourself that this person could have had any amount of wins in their life, or that there might be many to come in their future. Dont be so quick to condemn someone without a trial.